What Would Buddy Do?
This counts as a playmaker (just not the sort we’d thought they’d be chasing)
Posted on February 29th, 2008 at 12:51 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

catch the ballI guess the checkbook is open this year!

I’ll admit that I hadn’t been buying the Asante Samuel rumors. I just assumed that Samuel would want a giant pile of cash, that corner wasn’t a position that was on fire for the Birds (unlike, say defensive end or “additional touchdown scorer”), and that Samuel wasn’t exactly what the Eagles would be looking for.

I suppose I would be very incorrect.

I assume the thinking on Samuel is that the Eagles stunk at creating turnovers last season, especially in the secondary (they were tied for last in the NFL with only 11 interceptions) and that a guy with 22 picks in 75 career games (including 10 in 2006) could change that.  This definitely counts as one of those playmakers that Dunavin was all moist about. 

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Mike Patterson gets caught smoking doobie; Reid kids snicker, “Weed is for sissies.”
Posted on February 23rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

this lady is his connect in the Illadelph

Well I guess I’ll have to abandon my “Isn’t it ironic how Andy Reid’s kids are in trouble with the law, but none of the Eagles’ players ever get arrested (unlike the rest of the league).” Congratulations, Mike Patterson! You’ve gotten the Birds on Turd Watch for the first time ever, and have totally killed my spin on the Reid kids.

Still, all things considered, this isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened.  No guns, no strippers, no fisticuffs.  Just a kid from California getting caught with low-level drugs in his car.  Patterson’s a west-coast kid; he probably didn’t even know it was illegal in Pennsylvania.  (We shall not comment on the potential DWB scenario here.)
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A bit of administrivia before free agency and my impending cross-country move
Posted on February 22nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

leaving all this
I suppose a more intrepid reporter may have posted a Gone Fishin sign on the site a couple weeks back. Sorry about that — we’ve been dark with no explanation since the day after the most recent unpleasantness in my long and storied career as an Eagles (that would be the day after the effing Giants won the effing Super Bowl).

But now we’re back. Ever so briefly. At least long enough for a quick update on the content plan for the site (as well as some other big changes for me). Here we go:

Why We’ve Been Dark, Part 1: the obvious answer here is that it’s the only three weeks of non-activity in the NFL calendar: the Pro Bowl is useless, teams are limited in the moves they can make, there’s no draft yet, even the media schedule backs off a bit. So it’s a good time to take a break. And by “take a break” I mean “try to spend my free time consuming non-football media/ see the precious light of day on Sundays.”  Still, I’ve been good about the del.icio.us (those are the links over there on the right).  So I’m not completely absent.

Why We’ve Been Dark, Part 2: my actual big news is that I’m moving back to the East Coast one week from today. The movers come Tuesday, my car gets scooped up Friday, and then I have a one-way ticket to the East Coast on the redeye Friday night. As you might imagine, it’s been a busy couple weeks with many many moving parts. The personal life triage has forced me to prioritize “getting my sh*t together ahead of the cross-country move” over “chasing down Eagles non-stories like imaginary Lito Sheppard trades and Dunavin rumors.” It’s a cruel world sometimes.  Still, I shall miss my current home (would you look at that view above?) — Seattle’s been very very good to me.  Sigh. 
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Ultimately, I’m just a hater from Negadelphia…
Posted on February 5th, 2008 at 3:06 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

this is a legal tackle

…and I demand justice, or at least vengeful retribution.

So the dust has settled, the G-Men had their parade, plaudits have been offered to the Giants (including too much praise for “The Play” which seems to discount the part where this was a Favre-style heave into the middle of the field that, while amazing, is not something you’d like to do too many more times; AMAZING catch by Tyree, though, no doubt, and the defensive line was spectacular), and scorn has been heaped on the Patriots and Bill Belichick.

I’m terribly disappointed by how this all worked out; here’s why:

My dream scenario was that the G-Men would lose the game badly (and be properly humilaited for the hot-at-the-right-time-with-some-lucky-breaks-thrown-in frauds that I had hoped they were), while the Patriots would have their victory immediately sullied by some shocking new revelations in Spygate that would call into question the entire Patriots machine (maybe even on the same day as their victory parade?). We’re talking details that would force the NFL to demand that Lombardi trophies be turned over to their rightful owners (Juve style from 2006 — don’t think this is unprecedented).

That is, I was hoping that the Super Bowl could somehow produce two (2) losers. Note well that a straight loss wasn’t actually sufficient in the example above — I wanted them both to be humiliated (the Giants beaten badly on the field, the Patriots’ entire run of success discredited).
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ADF#$*)F*WER CHJASGQ(#)$U$T!?!?!
Posted on February 3rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

Oh dude.  Really? 


We shall give certain members of the Giants their due (their defensive ends, Tom Coughlin), and acknowledge that in a game of bounces, the Pats got a bit a unlucky (the ball hit the ground three times and the G-Men recovered all three; the Pats couldn’t hold on to potential picks), and try to say things like “It was an exciting game to watch.”

But it wasn’t exciting.  It was terrible. 
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Super Bowl: Who I got
Posted on February 3rd, 2008 at 3:59 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

thuper bowlThis pick is a lot easier than I thought it would be a couple days ago (famous last words!).

Obviously, as much as I may detest the Pats and their Empire of Entitled Smugness, at least they have something to be snug about. That is, the smugness of the New York Football Giants has long since earned my ire and disdain as My Least Favorite (And Thus The Most Loathsome And Worthy Of Scorn) NFL Team ™. Can’t stand the G-men. Not even a little bit. Even with the departure of Tiki, I still can’t decide who’s the most disagreeable player on the team; is it StupidF*cking*sshole Antonio Pierce or StupidF*cking*sshole Michael Strahan? Seriously, it’s a tough call. I suppose I’ll root for catastrophic knee injuries for all.

Still, I thought that the G-Men would play them tough, and at least cover. Not anymore. I buy the PFT theory that the Spygate thing is going to motivate the Pats to be extra mean-spiritied. Amazingly, I bet they’re sitting in their locker room right now reflecting on the fact that despite the fact that they’ve gone undefeated and scored the most points ever, NO ONE IS GIVING THEM ANY RESPECT.
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Extended Spygate/ Spygate 2 Conspiracy Theory
Posted on February 3rd, 2008 at 12:36 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

smile big fellaOkay, dim the lights. Time for my extended whacked-out conspiracy theory on Spygate. Note that this will only make 30 percent sense, but hey, it wouldn’t be a conspiracy theory if it didn’t contain a fair amount of speculation; then it would be a “fact.”

Here we go:

1. The Patriots and Bill Belichick knew before this season that Spygate was coming. I actually suspect that Mangini took some of the tapes with him when he split the season before. Regardless, I believe that the Pats had a strong suspicion that the time of reckoning was near. Thus, they went out and spent in free agency at a level that they never had before, loading up for a big run in 2007.

2. The Patriots also knew that the NFL wasn’t entirely interested in catching the Pats cheating. After all, the Pats were the squeaky clean antithesis of those nasty fellows with the dog-fighting and the strip clubs and the weapons charges. The Pats are a wealthy franchise with a strong brand in an important sports market. No one wants to [insert cliche here: something to do with cutting off noses to spite things or killing geese that lay golden thingies].
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Another big year for the legal department
Posted on February 3rd, 2008 at 11:50 am by Cheesesteak Hoagie

thats my money    my moneyI’m about a week late on this one, but I’d like to applaud the Birds legal department for yet another big year. Just when we thought we’d never have anything to do with T.O. ever-again-once-and-for-all, some enterprising young buck in Eagles LCA decided to go shake down Mr. Owens for some monies owed from the argy-bargy in November 2005.

Super duper!

Whilst it isn’t the All-Pro performance of the 2005 legal team, it’s still a nice shot in the arm for the organization.  Say what we will about needing playmakers on the field (and really, who hasn’t this week), but the Eagles sure seem to have playmakers on both sides of the ball in legal and corporate affairs.  

Nice work, boys.   

Disgruntled Birds fan abuses powers of government to retroactively win Super Bowl XXXIX
Posted on February 3rd, 2008 at 11:24 am by Cheesesteak Hoagie

no no this seems REALLY important

Attaguy, Arlen Specter.

Who cares that the Iraq war is quickly approaching its fifth year or that the U.S. economy is in the pooper — there is an assistant golf pro and former office gofer somewhere on the island of Maui who might be willing to make unfounded accusations about the New England Patriots! Summon the Sixth Fleet!

Whilst I understand that pro football does enjoy some special privileges under the law (antitrust exemption, nice big stadia built with public dollars), um, the cheating allegations still aren’t that big a deal.  As a sports media story (that is, Britney and Lindsay for the male 18-to-44 set), it’s solid gold.  But I don’t think Spygate qualifies as an affair of state.

Still, you gotta love that Specter’s little — dare I say it — jihad against the Pats seems fueled (at least a little bit) by his subtly masked passion for the Eagles! 
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