Okay, dim the lights. Time for my extended whacked-out conspiracy theory on Spygate. Note that this will only make 30 percent sense, but hey, it wouldn’t be a conspiracy theory if it didn’t contain a fair amount of speculation; then it would be a “fact.”

Here we go:

1. The Patriots and Bill Belichick knew before this season that Spygate was coming. I actually suspect that Mangini took some of the tapes with him when he split the season before. Regardless, I believe that the Pats had a strong suspicion that the time of reckoning was near. Thus, they went out and spent in free agency at a level that they never had before, loading up for a big run in 2007.

2. The Patriots also knew that the NFL wasn’t entirely interested in catching the Pats cheating. After all, the Pats were the squeaky clean antithesis of those nasty fellows with the dog-fighting and the strip clubs and the weapons charges. The Pats are a wealthy franchise with a strong brand in an important sports market. No one wants to [insert cliche here: something to do with cutting off noses to spite things or killing geese that lay golden thingies].

3. A rookie commish — already overwhelmed by Pacman and Michael Vick — wasn’t going to bully the Pats (at least in the short term). No way. They knew they could at least stall.

4. They got slapped on the hand in Week One, but then they got a huge break when the Commish destroyed all the evidence, declared victory, and moved on. Next question! Next question!

5. They proceed through the season with their best team ever, and destroy all comers.

6. Still, they know that there are some loose ends running around (like this Matt Walsh character), and that they couldn’t threaten said loose ends into silence indefinitely. This isn’t Tony Soprano; they can’t just whack the folks who talk to the Feds. It was going to come out eventually. Maybe even Super Bowl week.

7. With accusations of cheating swirling, the Pats hunker down, buy into the “everyone doubts us” blather, and destroy the Giants.

8. Belichick shocks the world by resigning at the end of the game. He goes out on top as the Coach of the Greatest Team Ever, and leaves a gigantic mess for the next guy/ girl to clean up. Somewhere, George Bush is smiling.

Coming soon (that is, as soon as I return from “the store”): Super Bowl prediction.