What Would Buddy Do?
One final humiliation
Posted on November 18th, 2008 at 11:37 am by Cheesesteak Hoagie

So I’m moping around yesterday like I normally do following an Eagles loss. Moping typically involves some sort of faux-healthy purge (half-assed trip to the gym, non-terrible lunch), so I meander to the deli up the street from the office to get a cup of soup.

Keep in mind that I hate eating soup for lunch. Hate it. This is because I contend that it shouldn’t really count as lunch — it’s liquid, and a man of my carriage merits solid food in the middle of the day. But again, we’re purging, and soup was all I deserved.

Anyhoo, the deli in question has a Soup Guy. As in, Mr. High-Energy-Personality-Plus who loves his job and relishes the opportunity to make a few moments of chit-chat with each customer as he ladles out portions. I mean, he’s nice enough, and he obviously means well, but there’s something about him that drives me insane. Don’t worry, friends and coworkers have assured me that I’m the one with the problem here — it just isn’t rational to dislike someone for being friendly/ polite / happy with his job (unless you’re some sort of psychopath). I get it. I’m the jerk. Yup.

It’s also worth noting Mr. High-Energy-Personality-Plus is also a big NY sports fans (Mets, Giants) who typically uses the most recent professional sports result as fodder for his idle (but apparently mandatory) chit-chat with the patrons.

So I roll in there mid-afternoon and belly up to the soup station. Thus commenceth the chit-chat:

“How can I help you!” [Insanely chipper and friendly tone.]

“Can I get the tomato basil with chicken?” [Dull monotone, no eye contact.]

“Sure you can! Small or large!” [Big smile.]

“Small.” [Barely making eye contact.]

“You sure?” [More smile.]

“I’m sure.” [Eye contact made, withering look.]

“How you doing today?” [As he’s ladling.]

“Yeah I’m all right. All good. How about you?” [Figured I should at least pretend to act like a human being.]

“Oh can’t complain, my shift’s almost over and the Giants looked great yesterday!” [Still ladling, smiling.]

[Beat.]

“OH YEAH??? THE GIANTS??? HOW BOUTS I COME BACK THERE AND F*CKING WATERBOARD YOU IN THE SPLIT PEA WITH HAM!!!!!”

[Actually, I just said, “Yes they did, they looked great — thanks,” and moved on to the register.]

Welcome to my sports feelings.

Comments so far:

Link Here | November 19, 2008,

I laughed at this, but I sympathize. It sometimes takes me several days to bounce back from a bad loss (ie, any loss to the Cowboys or Giants).

I sometimes want to yell at people who say “It’s just a game.” But I don’t.

Comment by BrianS


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