What Would Buddy Do?
In shocking turn of events, Eagles now least dysfunctional team in division
Posted on December 11th, 2008 at 11:11 am by Cheesesteak Hoagie

Dude, two weeks is a long time.

Following the Baltimore game (a 36-7 pummeling that begot a few days of McNabb career eulogies, calls for Andy Reid to step down, and a general malaise across the Eagles fan base), the Birds’ season was looking pretty grim.  Not only was the team playing poorly, but there appeared to be a bit of disarray at the NovaCare Complex (”Who told Donovan he was benched?” “Can the relationship between the coach and the quarterback ever be the same?”).  The Birds were in last place (again) and looked like they’d remain there for the rest of the season.

Two wins later, not only does joy and happiness reign in Eagledom, but the rest of the division has done us a favor and gone completely goofy.  The Birds may be third in the division standings, but they’re dead last in Dysfunction.

My rankings:

1.  New York Giants.  In their win against the Skins, they looked like ruthless killing machines.  A week later, they look extremely human — I guess that’s what a criminal investigation involving three of your players (including two of your best players) in the media capital of the known universe will do to you.  (Hey, maybe it was the Skins that were the problem the week before….)  We all assume that the G-Men will bounce back in Dallas, but we can’t pretend that the Plax thing isn’t screwing with them — it was their backup wideouts and their jerkface-under-investigation MLB who were the weakest links against the Birds.  Also, it’ll be years before someone can top the statement: “In 2008, the Giants were rolling to the Super Bowl until they literally shot themselves in the leg.”

2.  Washington Redskins.  Tough call here, narrowly edging out the Cowboys.  What pushed the Skins into the second slot was having their best player taunting their first-year coach on the radio.  Yikes.  Who’s actually in charge here?  Can you imagine the hullabaloo if Donovan McNabb or Brian Westbrook derisively called Andy Reid a “genius” on 610?  Now it’s apparently more than just Portis who are down on Zorn?  The full quotes below:

“We got a genius for a head coach, I don’t know, I’m sure he on top of things. He’s got everything figured out. Hey, that’s up to him. All I can do is when he calls a play is go out and try to execute to the best of my ability.”

And then later, on the big picture, he had this to say:

“I don’t know where it went wrong, all I know is it’s going wrong. So, you know, maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m the problem since I don’t practice, since I’m the only person that don’t practice and come out and play and try to give it what I’ve got, maybe I’m the problem. So I might need to be on IR.”

3.  Dallas Cowboys.  So you know sh*t is pretty f*cked up in the rest of the division when the team with T.O. and the Pacman (who might have a career-threatening neck injury) can’t even crack the top two in dysfunction.  Beyond the yearly refrains regarding Tony Romo’s proven inability to win at the end of the season, Jerry Jones actually called out Marion Barber for not playing through an injury.  Dude.  Marion Barber does not appear to be fragile or shy.  Ease back there, big fella.

4.  Philadelphia Eagles.  Serotonin is flowing at all-time highs in the Delaware Valley as the team patiently looks forward to being 13.5-point favorites on Monday Night.  No dysfunction here, just a bunch of guys who get along so much that they’re wearing playoff beards.  Smile, everyone!

Comments so far:

Link Here | December 11, 2008,

Oh man, somebody knock on some wood or something.

Comment by The Pattison Pundit |

Link Here | December 11, 2008,

To add to the dysfunction of the Cowboys. This is too good from Ed Werder at ESPN.com:

“Owens feels that Romo and Witten — close friends and road roommates who came to Dallas in the same offseason — hold private meetings in which they create plays the two will use in upcoming games without including Owens in the conversations, according to a source who speaks regularly with Owens’ teammates. Owens believes these discussions have worked to his detriment as Romo seeks to deliver the ball to Witten regardless of whether Owens is open.”

Comment by Bounty Jr.

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