While the Harris Smith, er, Plaxico Burress story is dominating the national sports media this morning, here in New York the story is actually bigger than that. Not that it’s a matter of greater importance in New York, it’s just that the local media is different here. That is, New York has tabloids. And this has the chance to be one of the bigger tabloid stories of the year – bigger even than A-Rod and Madonna, bigger even than Client Number 9? (Actually, no, not bigger than Client Number 9, that was the best one this year by a lot, though it might have been closer if Ashley Alexandra Dupre wasn’t such a looker.)

Given the timing of the story, and the part where it looks like other people besides Plax will need to do some splainin’ about their big night out, and the part where the tabloids will 72-pt-font themselves into a seizure this week, and the part where the Eagles got a few extra days of healing in due to their Thursday game, you might think things were lining up well for the Birds to give the Giants a game on this coming Sunday in New Jersey.

Ah, we can only dream.

I watched the Giants – Redskins game yesterday. The Giants comfortably beat a pretty stout Redskins team (one whose offensive and defensive lines handled the Eagles two months ago). They beat them because they physically pushed them around at the line of scrimmage. Eli, Schmeli. This Giants team is huge at the line of scrimmage, and I don’t expect that will be impacted by this week’s episode of CSI: NFL.

Unless, of course, it turns out that Justin Tuck and three-fifths of the offensive line were also at the Latin Quarter last Friday.

Ugh.

(Don’t worry, I’ll work hard to convince myself that the Eagles can win Sunday. I am going to see it in person, after all. And I’d like to not “dread” said trip.)

Okay, we’ve all had the chance to sleep off last night’s loss to the Giants. And…yeah, it still isn’t sitting well. The response to the game has justifiably focused on some of the Eagles’ decision-making in the second half, but hey, let’s not be stingy with the blame — there was plenty to frustrate fans in last night’s game.

Some additional subheads from the Giants’ game:

So much for the post-World Series afterglow.  Baseball?  World Series?  Chase Utley?  Cole Hamels?  That’s all well and good, but ANDY REID WASTED HIS CHALLENGES!  THE MIDDLE-OF-THE-ROAD EAGLES LOST TO THE DEFENDING-CHAMP GIANTS!  PANIC!  DESPAIR!

What did Dunavin think about the coach’s play-calling at the end of the game? The first words out of McNabb’s mouth in his post-game presser were “I want the ball.” Couldn’t agree with you more, big fella. It was surprisingly impolitic from Big Five, but hey, they can write that sort of comment off as “All competitors want the ball in big situations, yadda yadda yadda.”

More Dunavin, pukey edition. I assume everyone else cracked wise as the Eagles let the clock tick down to the two-minute warning as Dunavin was visibly panting on screen? Something along the lines of “At least he didn’t puke”? I think Michaels and Madden even joined in.

Final Dunavin comment (the “It wasn’t all his fault” division). McNabb was not excellent last night, but I actually had a little bit of hope in the fourth quarter that he might pull something together. Silly me! That hasn’t happened in YEARS! Still, as much as we can get down on McNabb, I thought the Matt Mosley piece on ESPN was a bit wrongheaded:

On this night, even the most ardent McNabb apologists were sent scrambling for higher ground. He was 17 of 36 for 194 yards and three touchdowns, but don’t let that last number fool you. His interception in the second quarter was as bad as you’ll see in the NFL, a league that Brad Johnson and J.T. O’Sullivan still call home. McNabb rallied his team late, but it only served to highlight how poorly he’d played the rest of the game.

At this point, McNabb is the fourth-best quarterback in the NFC East. With all of his experience, he’ll still take a delay of game in the red zone or botch a handoff at crucial moments. As usual, Eagles coach Andy Reid stood by his man, saying McNabb simply has to “keep firing, and he’ll be fine.”

Yeah, tough night for McNabb.  But he wasn’t the headline, and it strikes me as a bit lazy to write the blame-the-QB piece after a loss (note: the Eagles did score 31 points in said game).   Especially when the defensive line was humiliated and the offensive line couldn’t push forward for a yard when they had to.  Note also that there was nary a word of criticism of Big Red in that piece — I guess Mosley is planning for the long term with his blame allocation strategy!  Better not piss off the big guy!

Saying the unsayable.  Was Westbrook a little dinged up last night?  Are we allowed to suggest that maybe the 2008 Westbrook isn’t as impressive as the 2006 and 2007 editions?  Also, are we allowed to write columns about how he couldn’t get two yards when he needed to?  To his credit, he owned up to it in his post-game comments, but no one in the press really bit.  Also, it’s worth checking out those comments to see that he also semi-distanced himself from the play call at the end of the game.

Boneheaded plays aren’t reserved for coach, QB.  Greg Lewis.  Dude.  Running into the punt returner?  It’s a tenuous hold on a roster spot as it is.  You don’t need to be handing the Giants 15 free yards.  Also, the Tank Daniels encroachment call (that could have ended the game) was the moment were I actually lost my temper a bit.  Horrible.

Yeah, still stewing on this end.  I’ll come up with something positive later today.  For now I’m content to wallow a bit more.

(Take that, post-World Series afterglow!)

As I’ve already covered the top-shelf storylines and offered a proposed final score for the Eagles - Giants game tonight, I apologize for the high miscellanea-to-actual-football-content ratio in this post. But it wouldn’t be the Giants game if I didn’t spoil myself a bit. So in addition to the overeating I’m planning for the game tonight (pulled pork that I’ve been slow-cooking for hours, mac and cheese, cole slaw, cocktail weenies, pecan pie — yeah, bad), I’m also treating myself to a bonus game preview/ football Sunday post.

What I’ll be shouting about during tonight’s game (or have already shouted about this afternoon):

Feeling oddly at peace in re: Plax. I’m typically paranoid about Plaxico Burress ahead of Giants games, but this time I’m feeling pretty relaxed about him. Not that he isn’t a great player who seems to enjoy Eagles-killing plays, but I guess I’m just taking it for granted that he’ll score against the Birds. As in, there are plenty of other things to worry about that might not actually happen; it isn’t worth sweating the givens, however disagreeable they may be.

Just to repeat in re: top-shelf storylines. Yup, I’m just as apprehensive in re: the Birds’ ability to handle the Giants at the line of scrimmage as I was yesterday. Just checking in on that.

Early test of the post-Phils afterglow? Now that the Phillies have won, we’re all supposed to be relatively mellow about the other teams for a little bit, right? As in, the Phightins won the World Series, so we all should have a sense of perspective w/r/t the other teams in town. Yup. Looks good on paper, doesn’t it. The Seahawks were a pretty easy landing last weekend, but bringing in the Giants for a primetime game at the Linc just a week later? That’s a cruel, cruel test of the constitution of our Sports Feelings’ Soul. And I wish I could pretend it was one I wasn’t going to fail miserably.

Update your bookmarks. Ugh. Enough with the splash page on the Birds’ official site. That splash page is the Saved By Zero of philadelphiaeagles.com. You want “index2.html” to go straight to the content. Speaking of, they’re pushing extended online coverage of tonight’s game on NFL.com — need to make sure I keep an eye on that.

Speaking of game coverage. The Jets were the Fox early game in New York. That would be the 40-0 at halftime Jets game. Fox stayed with it until halfway through the fourth quarter (it’s the home team, I know, they have to, but still). Yawn. If the NFL was willing to sell me more games, I wouldn’t have flipped the channel to a very exciting MLS game (Allez les RBVs!). Oh well.

Things I’m dreading ahead of the game. Brian Dawkins getting turned around and then run over by a Brandon Jacobs with a bit of momentum. McNabb losing a fumble on a sack. The Eagles throwing eight times in a row in the first quarter. A David Akers miss. Wasted timeouts due to jumpiness in re: blitzes.

Things I’m hopeful about ahead of the game. DeSean Jackson going out of his way to make a big play on national television. A more mobile McNabb extending plays. A stout game from the Eagles’ defensive tackles. A pick from Omar Gaither. Continued heroics from Juqua Parker. Brian Westbrook’s deep personal animosity for the New York Giants manifesting itself in many many touchdowns.

And that’s what I’ve got for you. Off to negotiations with the pulled pork. Go Birds.

The good people over at the Most Valuable Network invited me back to answer some questions about tonight’s big game.  You’re certainly welcome to click over and check it out, but I’ve also pasted the piece below.  It’s a bit high-level, but I worked hard to nerd it up with the Prospect Theory reference:

1. To what extent is the jury still out on this Eagles team, as they head out of the bye at 5-3?

Well I’m not quite sure which jury we’re talking about here, as I think that the Eagles actually have a pretty clear identity for the rest of the league: an above-average team in a tough division with a few important characters (Donovan McNabb, Andy Reid, Brian Dawkins) who are familiar…and maybe a little dull at this point. For the team’s fans, the team’s identity is eerily and frustratingly similar to that of last year’s team — occasionally brilliant, just enough to convince you that they might amount to something, but ultimately doomed to fail at the moments that matter most. Apart from the punt returner and a little bit more luck with takeaways, there isn’t much that’s convinced Eagles fans that this isn’t just last year’s 8-8 team all over again.

So I guess said jury actually just checked in, and their answer is “Same as last year; try not to get too excited.” Luckily, the jury also reminded us that the Phils just won the World Series, and so maybe we should have a wee bit more patience with the football team.

2. How would a win this week impact their postseason prospects — and how would a loss impact their playoff positioning, as well?

We’ll dispatch with the “they’re all big game” disclaimers and pleasantries, and note that the Eagles are currently 7th in the NFC, and 3rd in their division — both of which feel extremely fair for the team’s performance to date. The problem with respect to playoff positioning is that the Birds are 0-2 in the NFC East. A loss to the Giants drops them to 0-3, with two of the three remaining division games on the road. Ugh. This scenario might have been slightly more palatable were both the Bucs and Panthers playing very well right now (in Wek Nine, I’ll reluctantly admit that I’m now taking the NFC South seriously) — meaning that it’ll be tough to get a third NFC East team into the playoffs, especially if said team has only a middling conference record.

At the risk of being a complete Negadelphian, I’ll conservatively say that a loss will be a lot more damaging than a win will be helpful. That is, if the Birds win, they’re still in the mix for the division, at least on paper; if they lose, then the residents of the Delaware Valley will need to start worrying about the Tampa Bay from next week on — yikes!

(In defense of my Negadelphianess, a couple guys won the Nobel Prize for proving that people perceive losses as more painful than wins are pleasing, so maybe I’m not completely crazy.)

3. What is the single-biggest key to Sunday’s game for the Eagles, and what is your predicted final score?

In honor of Coach Reid’s midsection, I’m going with the big guys with the unattractive numbers and awkward knee braces. More specifically, line play both ways. The Eagles’ offensive line was humiliated by the Giants last year, and have struggled in certain (namely short-yardage) scenarios this year. They will definitely have quite a few things to worry about with the Giants’ front seven. On defense, the Eagles are stout in the middle of the defensive line but a little smaller to the outside — I expect that they’ll see a lot of Brandon Jacobs to the outside. I guess I could be anxious about the standard skill-position hype (Eli versus Donovan! Plax versus Asante!), but I feel like those matchups are window-dressing; the Eagles will need to stand up to the Giants along the line of scrimmage if they have any hope of winning Sunday night.

I wish I could pick the Eagles in this game. I really do. But I’m not convinced that they’ll be able to handle the Giants at the line. Maybe more importantly, I’m not convinced that the Eagles can get it done in a primetime game — with good reason. Forgive the factoid, but they’ve lost seven night games in a row and 13 of their last 15. That does not inspire confidence. I think the Giants are very confident about handling the Eagles, and that that confidence will carry them in a relatively tight and nervy game: Giants 26, Eagles 20.

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Here’s to hoping I’m very very wrong.)

Um, so I guess Andy Reid didn’t get the internal e-mail I forwarded him (the one that said that all his best players considered the Giants their biggest rivals in the NFC East)?  Because according to former Eagles coach and current Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo, Andy Reid went out of his way to offer tips and advice to Spags in the weeks before last February’s Super Bowl:

Did you hear from Andy or Jim after the Super Bowl?

Oh yeah. They were great. They were both really happy. Both of them called. I talked with Andy a couple of times actually before the Super Bowl. We had gone through it in ’04 together and he had a couple of things, ‘Hey, remember this Steve, remember what happened here,’ we talked a lot about how long the pregame was. He was great. I remember him saying, ‘just keep firing at him, just keep staying aggressive.’ That was his advice and they were certainly tremendous after it is over.

WHAAAAA????  While I was writing completely jealous and deranged things like this, Andy Reid was sharing tips on how to manage pregame stretching?  This is a betrayal of the first order!   Are we to believe that the actual personal relationships that these men maintain might trump the imagined-manufactured-and-marketed rivalries between the green team and the blue team?  DON’T THEY KNOW HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THE BLUE TEAM?

Another, more delicious, angle here might be an anti-Belichick/ anti-Patriots thing.  As in, Andy Reid might have harbored some lingering resentments in re: what happened in Jacksonville, and was more than happy to see Belichick and the Pats stumble at the end of their then-perfect season.  To which I can only say, “Yeah, f*ck those guys.”

(But also f*ck the G-Men.  To be clear.)

As a long-time New York Giants hater — they’re definitely my least favorite team in the NFC East, and I actually rooted for the Pats in the Super Bowl — I have to say the comments from Donovan McNabb and Brian Dawkins regarding the Giants yesterday warmed my soul. That is, I was pleased to see that some of the Eagles’ senior leaders also found the G-Men to be a most disagreeable set of opponents.

First McNabb:

For the better part of ten years, it’s probably at the top of the list for me. I remember, my first couple of years—my first two years actually—I believe we lost nine or ten or eleven in a row to them before we beat them on that Monday night. This rivalry is something that’s been going back and forth. It’s something that everyone knows about. As a player, you definitely understand it as well.

Then Dawk:

For me, what they’ve won has nothing to do with it. I have always had that respect for them. When you step on that field, you know you have to be ready to play when we play this game. You really do. I’m not saying that it’s not that with any other game. For me, this has been my biggest rivalry since I’ve been with the Eagles. I know everybody can’t really stand Dallas, and I understand that, but for me, since I’ve been here, this has been the game that I get up for every time. Big time.

Me too, Dawk, me too!

A brief review of my admittedly immature/ irrational anti-Giants bias: rooted in vague notions of class conflict and second-city jealousies, I resent the arrogance and haughtiness of the entire Giants’ organization: their geriatric and entitled fan base (”Eegads! Our family has had our Giants tickets for generations and we have the dorky blue sweaters to prove it! Why should we have to pay PSLs!”), their privileged status within the league (”extra” home games in 2005 and 2007, the fact that they refer to the stadium they share as “Giants Stadium”), and the mouthiness of their star players (the mantle has passed from Tiki to the always eloquent Antonio Pierce). Maybe it’s because I’ve lived in NYC for a while that these resentments are highlighted, but the Giants and their fairweather, cowardly, soulless fans definitely sit atop the hierarchy of my haterade.

(Yup, name calling. That’s what I’ve got. Giants fans, welcome back!)

So not only did the Giants lose, but Greg Ellis sounded off about the Cowboys’ coaches AND Pacman Jones got suspended? 

Let’s enjoy it.  Take a week off, heal up, and take pleasure in the failures and misfortunes of others.  We’ve certainly had our share. 

(The Germans call it Schaudenfreude, and it translates literally as “damaged joy.”)

Victorino ties the Phils game, Eli throws a pick-six to effectively guarantee a loss for the previously undefeated Giants against the Browns, and Stairs hits that ball halfway to Santa Monica, all in about twelve minutes? 

As you might imagine, it was just a very special bonding experience for me and the television. 

(Hopefully the bullpen can lock this thing down.) 

What I gleaned from my first viewing of ESPN E-60 tonight (besides a conviction the format and opening titles must be intended as self-parody): that G-Men Super Bowl hero David Tyree was once, in his own words, possessed by the Devil himself.

Far be it from me to make light of someone’s faith or mental condition, but, um, demonic possession?  Seriously?  Notify Father Damian and take us back to medieval Europe!  I mean, I knew something was cosmically wrong when the Giants won the Super Bowl, but I had no idea how deep it went; this actually makes the injustice of said Super Bowl triumph all seem a bit more palatable.

(Note that Tyree was actually institutionalized, also had drug and alcohol problems, and seems to have gotten help, though he still describes himself as having been possessed.  Possessed.  Said it on TV and everything.) 

Man, this sure makes the whole Shawn Andrews thing seem pretty tame. 

Welcome back Tank Daniels!  Whilst we’ll try not to begrudge you your odious Giants’ Super Bowl ring too too much, we can at least take some minor solace in the winning attitude you’ll be toting back to the Delaware Valley:  

As for going back and forth from the Eagles and Giants, Daniels said there is one thing he loves equally about both teams.

“They both hate Dallas,” he said. “Even though I’m from Arkansas, I grew up hating the Cowboys, and I’m fortunate that I can still hate them.”

Generally, I think, yes, you’ve got the gist of it.  Now just substitute “given the opportunity, would gouge an opposing fan’s eye out with a rusty spoon” for “hate” and I think it’s perfect.