What Would Buddy Do?
Mike Patterson not on Darren Howard diet
Posted on June 9th, 2008 at 12:02 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

i guess fred savage is a bit on the small side as well

Dooooood, I guess not everyone has been watching their figure this offseason. Obviously, mine eyes are a bit untrained for this sort of thing (especially seeing these guys in street clothes), but Mike Patterson IS FREAKIN’ HUGE!  He’s like some sort of boulder with limbs!  How many coach-class airplane seats does he have to buy?  Is it more than two?  It might be.

Mike, we salute your sacrifice of good health for continued solid run-stopping ability in the middle of the defensive line.  I wish your cardiovascular system the best of luck over the longer term! 

More photos here.

Trevor Laws enjoys Modest Mouse, has horribly photoshopped head
Posted on June 2nd, 2008 at 2:42 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEADMired as we are in loose-rumor-and-puff-piece season, I probably enjoyed the Trevor Laws article on PE.com more than I reasonably should have. Things I learned:

1. He went to a high school with a really good debate team.
2. He’s into music and lists Modest Mouse as one of his favorite bands. Hey! I like Modest Mouse too! We should, like, hang out!
3. He’s had the misfortune of having his head photoshopped onto a Eagles body on his profile page on the team site. This would have normally bypassed my attention were it not for the presence of those little info interstitials that hover on the Eagles site (even after you mouse away). Poor guy; the photo makes him look like he has Charlie Brown’s head.

For some perspective, check the photo of Mike Patterson (below).  You figure these guys are about the same size — seems liks a good point of comparison.  Note the detail where he actually looks like a human being:

(Read the rest of this story.)

Mike Patterson gets caught smoking doobie; Reid kids snicker, “Weed is for sissies.”
Posted on February 23rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm by Cheesesteak Hoagie

this lady is his connect in the Illadelph

Well I guess I’ll have to abandon my “Isn’t it ironic how Andy Reid’s kids are in trouble with the law, but none of the Eagles’ players ever get arrested (unlike the rest of the league).” Congratulations, Mike Patterson! You’ve gotten the Birds on Turd Watch for the first time ever, and have totally killed my spin on the Reid kids.

Still, all things considered, this isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened.  No guns, no strippers, no fisticuffs.  Just a kid from California getting caught with low-level drugs in his car.  Patterson’s a west-coast kid; he probably didn’t even know it was illegal in Pennsylvania.  (We shall not comment on the potential DWB scenario here.)
(Read the rest of this story.)