Oh, the local blathermonkeys can’t be thrilled with this!

After weeks of baiting Andy Reid (and Donovan McNabb, but we’ll skip that for now) about his impending dismissal/ resignation from the Eagles (which, it might be noted, included an actual editorial in the Daily News demanding Reid’s departure), Big Red and Joe Banner decided to tell their side of the story — to the New York Freakin’ Times.

In a move eerily similar to the Reid bye-week exclusive with Fox Sports correspondent Jay Glazer, The Eagles PR/ marketing machine decided to go over the local blathermonkeys’ heads to tell a heartfelt tale of tragedy and perserverence from within the walls of the Novacare Center (sniff, double-sniff). This story did contain fresh, previously unheard material — all packaged up and fresh for the ole gray lady.

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At the risk of going all-Sheldon-Brown-all-the-time here on BountyBowl, we have to admit that we completely agree with his post-game comments in re: how he expected the Birds to actually blow yesterday’s game:

“Normally, we’d find a way to lose that football game,” said cornerback Sheldon Brown.

So I guess I wasn’t the only one who thought that the Tampa game from ‘06 might happen again.
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A theory, just a tiny one, on a day when I don’t have the energy to discuss why it’s ridiculous to start the Kevin Kolb talk yet again (as apparently happens after every loss, even if it’s mostly the defense’s fault, see Chicago and Dallas):

Have you ever wondered if part of the problem with the Eagles — and teams in Philly more generally — is the absolutely poisonous atmosphere created by the fans and local media? That is, as much as these guys pretend that they tune it all out and focus on the game on the field, do you worry that they feel our collective lunacy/ anxiety? The lunacy/ anxiety that leads us to boo an incompletion on second down of the first series of a game?

I thought this sort of talk was a few steps too far, but then I saw Sheldon Brown’s quotes in today’s papers:

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Wow. Looks like somebody had a longer day than I did!

We were all pretending that the Andy Reid family drama wasn’t going to impact the football team, and that despite the distractions, the Birds would have a normal season. (Or at least I was pretending.)

Um, nope.

The Reid boys got sentenced, and the Reid family was skewered by MontCo judge Steven O’Neill. Coach Reid’s house is a “drug emporium”? “There isn’t any structure there that this court can depend on”? 89 pills in Garrett Reid’s rectum?

This is all a big mess for the Reids and the Birds, and it isn’t going away. My questions:

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In addition to a multimedia Trent Cole lovefest in the papers this morning (well deserved, good for Trent Cole), more than one blathermonkey stepped up to remind us all that (a) Dallas is coming to town this week and (b) it is right and just to hate on them.

Personally, I thought it was the most insightful thing Phil Sheridan has written in a while, if only because he was trying to channel the anger/ hatred/ bloodlust toward the other team, and not just the one we’re supposed to be rooting for. I’d say that they’re using their powers for good rather than evil, but I’m not exactly sure that’s correct. Anyhoo, way to pitch in, boys.

I especially liked the quotes from Sav Rocca, in which he demonstrated his familiarity with the Dallas rivalry, translated into non-American English:

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In the considered opinions of professional sportswriters Bob Ford and Phil Sheridan, the Eagles’ season is essentially over at 2-4 and the only question left to ask is which week would be most appropriate to introduce Kevin Kolb as a starter.

Whilst they attempt to slip a couple caveats into their analysis (Sheridan is more willing to say the season is completely over than Ford), both embrace an apocalyptic viewpoint in re: the state of the Birds and their prospects for success this season. Never mind that the Eagles were ranked in the top half of the NFL in the FootballOutsiders DVOA rankings or that they recovered from a 5-6 record to win the division last year! The team has lost a couple close games, and the experts insist that the coach and QB must go!

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It looks like Jay Glazer won the “Andy Reid ain’t quitting” scoop contest this weekend, in which glazer was blessed with the direct quotes from Big Red refuting the electric internet rumors of a bye week resignation from the Eagles head coach.

At moments like this, we can’t blame Andy Reid for going straight to the national media and bypassing the local cadre of blathermonkeys — it reaffirms his status as a national celebrity and spares him the inevitable low-level sniping that accompanies any interaction with the Philly press. Also, it never hurts to suck up to your core broadcasting partner; gots to remember who’s paying the bills ’round here!

I did have one issue with Glazer’s piece, though. It was this part right here, where Glazer’s transcription makes Andy Reid sound like Britney Spears’ media rep:

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I’m going to stay positive about last night’s game. Some highlights:

1. I had a totally sweet sandwich at the tailgate. See above. Seriously, it was delicious. Luca Brasi’s in Hoboken. Good stuff.

2. We had a nifty parking pass that allowed us to park in this structure that was reasonably close to the stadium (and not in Lyndhurst, NJ). It momentarily convinced me I was going to the mall and not to an imitation pro football game to watch the Birds’ imitation offense give an imitation effort.

3. I was only sacked twice by Osi Umenyiora (once in the men’s room, the other in the beer line; both were Winston Justice’s fault).

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This is going to get a lot more agitated/ anxious/ loco before it’s all over, isn’t it.

So the Mets and Phils do the simultaneity thing at 1 pm, which means for the first time in I can’t remember how many years, I will watch a sporting event OTHER THAN THE NFL during live NFL games. This should produce a solid three hours of anxiety for the entire Philadelphia region (and about a third of the New York region, sorry Mets fans)*. With any luck, the Phils and Marlins will cooperate with our collective inability to process stress and each score 11 runs in the first inning.

I find this scenario very doubtful. We’ll be watching to the final pitch on both games. (I’m in Jersey right now — fresh from Sweden! — and will have both games easily accessibly.) Ugh.

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So he isn’t doing sit-ups in his driveway. And he hasn’t tried to punch any of the over-the-hill defensive ends in the locker room (would that be Kearse at this point?). But it sure seems like Donovan McNabb’s behavior this past week was at least reminiscent of the antics of Mr. Terrell Owens.

What else can you say about a guy who’s inventing his own media sh*tstorm at the moment when his team needs exactly the opposite thereof? (Read the rest of this story.)